Tuesday, February 5, 2008 5:20 PM
PREVIEW
Hello
people that I don't know. I'm Jonathan and I've recently agreed to help
my personal friend Ryan (who you're all probably familiar with) with
the site in the form of writing articles from time to time. First up on
my agenda is a preview for the Wii game No More Heroes. No More Heroes
is a game from the maker of Killer 7, which, in case you were born
yesterday and have amazing reading comprehension for your age, was a
critically acclaimed gamecube game based on an old guy in a wheelchair
with multiple personalities that fought a cult or something like that.
So, immediately you should realize the awesome potential of this game,
even before learning about the characters and plot. The game is based
on a guy named Travis TOUCHDOWN (I am currently reserving this name for
my future children) who wins a beam katana and just decides to become a
hitman in the place known as Santa Destroy. Now as you would expect of
a world with places that have "Destroy" in their name, there is an
assassin's agency that ranks would-be killers and gives them jobs.
Since Travis decides to kill an assassin and succeeds, he becomes
ranked and people start gunning for him, causing him to, through a
series of events, become the number one assassin due to reasoning only
the Japanese can understand.
Now being as this is a Wii game,
the developers, in their amazing ingenuity, decided to put in MOTION
CONTROLS! Best of all, according to reports it seems that they actually
did it right. You control Touchdown's aforementioned Beam Katana by
manipulating the Wiimote, but it's supposedly pretty intuitive, unlike
some games, *coughredsteelcough* which are more awkward than a
one-legged Naruto fan with leather pants. Now I can't tell you whether
it'll be a killer app for the Wii, but it definitely looks interesting
enough to check out. And seriously, stop kidding yourself, you want to
beat someone up with a glowing stick, if not, you clearly aren't eating
the daily recommended amount of bacon. Decide for yourself Jan. 22.
(Which has obviously already come and gone you jerks)
-Jonathan Broom