Monday, October 29, 2007                                                                     5:37 PM

Guitarfrigginherothree

It's finally here. After months of seeing the ads with that picture of Slash in that constipated-looking squat, you too can join in with your own constipated-looking  squat as you rock out to the awesome set list inside Guitar Hero III. Don't be fooled by the box-art, which features everyone's favorite 400-pound, half-naked , pasty-white Viking (Lars Umlat). Unlike that character, this game will NOT cause a piece of your soul to die every time you look at it. In fact, it'll do quite the opposite. Our government wastes millions every year on pointless studies, so i'd really like to see one that investigates what it is that gives players of GH that rush when they get a 100% on that crazy solo. How is it that someone can sit through all 12 minutes of "Free Bird" and totally enjoy themself, just because they're tapping out some random buttons? How can people take a game seriously that features a "main" character with a name as retarded as "Axel Steel"? Why does my 12-year old sister like this game? Can it be the presence of Slash, with his clogged-up bowels?  I don't know the answers to these questions, but perhaps a little government funding and a few more scientists ignoring cancer could find them. Only time will tell, but for now i'm gonna go play some more Guitar Hero, and so should you.